Sunday, 12 April 2020


A day ago, my ex boyfriend posted on his new born baby.

Other than being an ex boyfriend, he is also my debtor. When he needed money, I stupidly (love is blind, they say) took few loans for him and he used me as a source of income for couple years while we were together. I took the loan for a car, paid half of the car and never seen the car or the money again. I never knew what happened to the car or the money.

1 year after we broke up, he was still staying in my house, cooking all the food i bought. Soon I wanted to be dating again, I warned him to leave in a week and never to return to my life again. He left.

It has been 7 years we broke up and I have been keeping up with the debts that he always said he will pay or shall pay but never did. Always with excuses.

I am unhappy he got a baby first while I asked for the break up. Why did we break up in the first place? He was consuming me, physically, mentally and spiritually.

He was an abuser. I used to be imprisoned in the house for 2 years, hidden from the world. My family don't see me unless we ran out of food and ran out of money. He made me go home to "steal" some food.

I was regularly beaten up so badly, I was not able to work. I struggled mentally and attempted suicide for several times. It is true, when you are so badly injured, you won't feel the pain in the cut on the wrist.

Gratefully, I survived those suicidal incidences and made myself a promise that I will leave him, strong as me again.

When I met him, I was only 19. Being in network marketing at that moment, I was earning a happy 5 figures and after being with him, I lost everything. He personally gave his best friend ALL of my savings and capital fund while they spent it on alcohol, clubbing, prostitution and eventually when the money ran out, his friend left.

I planned and I worked diligently according to plan to leave him when he took my last RM50.00 and left me starving, it was 7 days to payout. I almost fainted in the office, my former colleagues gave me milk, bread and some money to survive. I cried terribly and knew I had to change it.

I worked nonstop for 18 hours a day continuously for 3 years and when I began to pick myself up financially and at work, he told me to thank him for making me a better person.

Nothing was uttered, I just smiled. Despite being a leader at work, I was being bullied by a large group of people, some of which I didn't even know until years later. I was being bullied at home, mentally, physically and I know spiritually my soul was dying. I prayed really really hard.

My prayers was answered at the most awful moment of my life. I was given an opportunity to leave the project for a better, bigger project. The opportunist side of me became the dominant and left.

I worked even harder (20 hours a day perhaps?), got into a better relationship, started to have savings, never starved myself for another day.

Chasing the debt for 7 years, listening to him telling me how bad his situation is for the many years and how his wife got pregnant and he is in tension. I frankly don't care because he cannot even afford to pay me back RM1 and he got the balls to tell me, today (yes today) that the money was spent with me.

When we were together, I used to earn 4 times of what his parents send him, monthly. He actually had the balls to tell me he spent on me too.

Instead of congratulating him, I told him that I wish his daughter will know what kind of person he was. How a liar he was about owing a person and lied for wanting to pay; when help was needed, it was given but when money has to be returned, it had to be begged.

He said I cursed him while I should congratulate him.

Everyone in the world can congratulate him but never me because only i went through the hell of being beaten, tortured mentally and walked out of that safely. I forgave him so I forgive myself but I will never forget the scar he left in my life.

Congratulate yourself if you feel you deserve it but I feel nothing other than pitiful to the baby girl born to your care.

How I remind myself to "Live while alive"

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