Congratulations?

A day ago, my ex boyfriend posted on his new born baby.

Other than being an ex boyfriend, he is also my debtor. When he needed money, I stupidly (love is blind, they say) took few loans for him and he used me as a source of income for couple years while we were together. I took the loan for a car, paid half of the car and never seen the car or the money again. I never knew what happened to the car or the money.

1 year after we broke up, he was still staying in my house, cooking all the food i bought. Soon I wanted to be dating again, I warned him to leave in a week and never to return to my life again. He left.

It has been 7 years we broke up and I have been keeping up with the debts that he always said he will pay or shall pay but never did. Always with excuses.

I am unhappy he got a baby first while I asked for the break up. Why did we break up in the first place? He was consuming me, physically, mentally and spiritually.

He was an abuser. I used to be imprisoned in the house for 2 years, hidden from the world. My family don't see me unless we ran out of food and ran out of money. He made me go home to "steal" some food.

I was regularly beaten up so badly, I was not able to work. I struggled mentally and attempted suicide for several times. It is true, when you are so badly injured, you won't feel the pain in the cut on the wrist.

Gratefully, I survived those suicidal incidences and made myself a promise that I will leave him, strong as me again.

When I met him, I was only 19. Being in network marketing at that moment, I was earning a happy 5 figures and after being with him, I lost everything. He personally gave his best friend ALL of my savings and capital fund while they spent it on alcohol, clubbing, prostitution and eventually when the money ran out, his friend left.

I planned and I worked diligently according to plan to leave him when he took my last RM50.00 and left me starving, it was 7 days to payout. I almost fainted in the office, my former colleagues gave me milk, bread and some money to survive. I cried terribly and knew I had to change it.

I worked nonstop for 18 hours a day continuously for 3 years and when I began to pick myself up financially and at work, he told me to thank him for making me a better person.

Nothing was uttered, I just smiled. Despite being a leader at work, I was being bullied by a large group of people, some of which I didn't even know until years later. I was being bullied at home, mentally, physically and I know spiritually my soul was dying. I prayed really really hard.

My prayers was answered at the most awful moment of my life. I was given an opportunity to leave the project for a better, bigger project. The opportunist side of me became the dominant and left.

I worked even harder (20 hours a day perhaps?), got into a better relationship, started to have savings, never starved myself for another day.

Chasing the debt for 7 years, listening to him telling me how bad his situation is for the many years and how his wife got pregnant and he is in tension. I frankly don't care because he cannot even afford to pay me back RM1 and he got the balls to tell me, today (yes today) that the money was spent with me.

When we were together, I used to earn 4 times of what his parents send him, monthly. He actually had the balls to tell me he spent on me too.

Instead of congratulating him, I told him that I wish his daughter will know what kind of person he was. How a liar he was about owing a person and lied for wanting to pay; when help was needed, it was given but when money has to be returned, it had to be begged.

He said I cursed him while I should congratulate him.

Everyone in the world can congratulate him but never me because only i went through the hell of being beaten, tortured mentally and walked out of that safely. I forgave him so I forgive myself but I will never forget the scar he left in my life.

Congratulate yourself if you feel you deserve it but I feel nothing other than pitiful to the baby girl born to your care.

How I remind myself to "Live while alive"

Follow your own cause

Talent is the least important thing today.

Many times we see people whom are talented but is not as successful as those whom have stayed on.

Staying loyal to a cause that have cost your effort, time and energy doesn't mean that you are not competent to move on, it means that you are committed.

Someone may tell you, you are not going to succeee because of your past. You feel upset and you give up then you see the person whom did not give up while you did, proceed to the next level.

What do you call that? Luck?

I call it persistence.

Persistence is being committed to your cause, trying to achieve your cause using different methods.

There could be many reasons of you being committed but unable to deliver what you have expected to do then you may give up at a point of time.

You believing in you, is being committed to your cause. Have you found your cause?

If yes, are you on the way there?

What should I do?

Have you ever wonder what do you want to do in or meant to accomplished in this life?

I wonder about it all the time, I think about it all the time and I have drafted numerous proposals to push myself to go further and do something, anything! I listed pros and cons about what I wanted and needed, map out the possible consequences on each route to be taken. Checklist of making things happen but nothing seems to work out so far... Because plan is just a dream without action.

While I've been trying to figure myself out, there has been many, too many opportunities approaching me. So many people showing so many presentations, people coming out with some amusing and some confusing financial plans, some forwarding articles of good stuff, suggestions of new products, impressive marketing plans. There is just one too many choices to be choose.

I am uncertained.

Should I continue with my apprenticeship of working with a capable leader that constantly gives me new challenges and new free appreciation (no promotion but have minimal increment) .

Should I go with one of it for the money?

Should I put my life together and work it out piece by piece, slowly?

Should I just be happy and forgo everything then just live a usual life?

Should I just flush all the thoughts into the toilet bowl and do the thing I felt?

I don't have the answer yet. What about you?

Growing Up

I seriously have no idea what was I thinking. Slept at 7am, woke up at 10am to make a call to reschedule my IPL treatment to 5pm then appear there at 4.15pm. Did it earlier and ran (yes I ran!) on a train to the airport.

I was stinking sweat then; supposingly feel frustrated but I felt satisfied, I did not think twice. I was going to meet my sister and her sons whom is flying overseas, to which the next time we meet is undefined.

Over the years, I became gradually careful of my options and decisions at all times. People said it is called growing up, I think it I called normalizing ones' creativity, it is somehow consuming me at the same time. I felt like a right brainer turning into a left brainer and slowly going to be a no brainer.

I can feel the sense of losing myself to the norm of the society especially to do something adhocly has become a choice.

If this is growing up, why was I not warned?
If this is growing up, is creativity the only thing I will be giving up on?
If this is growing up, have I lost more than just my spontaneity and have not realized it?
If this is growing up, will I fail to know myself soon?

I don't have an answer, will I ever have an answer? I really wish I can screw work, buy a ticket, fly anywhere now, think it through there then decide the next step. Well since tomorrow is a working day, I am not getting on a last minute flight anywhere.

Return ticket to my work is the only available option right now. Do you feel the same?

The Right Person

Do you know who is the right person for you in your life?

I used to think that I will not find the right person for me in my life and I have been struggling to feel happy and secured.

Maybe it is age factor or maybe because I have been through a lot hence recently I felt that finding the right person is not finding the person you want but it's about finding the person that can let you become the person you should be becoming, making me more of the person that will love life, becoming the person that enjoy life, becoming the person that will feel satisfied and will never ever hate being alive.

I met (and left) this guy whom I was with for 5 years, someone I wanted to have in my life. He treated me well in the first few months then he became really controlling until an extend he beat me and kept me in the house for 2 years. I couldn't explain why I sucked it up back then but I eventually came to my conscience and worked my way out of his sight. I was kept away from his family for 5 years, earned and spent all my money, took up bank loans on his behalf, lost all my savings, got trouble in my first business attempt and I couldn't work because he regularly came to harass me at my work place.

I wouldn't thank him for who I am today because with or without him, I would live another day without scar on my body, heart and mind. Everything happened for a reason and I am grateful I lived that through.

On another occasion, I am currently dating a guy whom I never thought I would be with. He was boring (now not that boring), blunt and most of the time seemed cold to me. Me being a talkative, outgoing and passionate person, we didn't connect quite well. There were numerous ups and downs but he sticked around really tightly, we grew together.

What made me really sure about him being in my life for the longest of time is the fact that he loves my family and his family the same way, although we are still just dating. He cares for my sister and mother's well being without being asked. He constantly reminds me of going back to home and let me be myself.

He used to piss me of by trying to talk me into his way but upon confrontation of the situation, he respect my choice and I learned to respect his choice too.

A side note, he used to be very calculative about money, I was a person whom don't think when I spend (I am not in debt); we changed. He taught me how to save and I taught him how to spend well, I can say that we have stable financial now because we were so different in handling our financial thus benefited us by being balanced! This will be shared on how in another post.

The point I wish to say is that, it don't really matter who you want to have in your life but the person you need in your life, to be a better version of you. I am thankful and grateful to be able to meet this loyal person  whom have made me a better person along the way.

Are you currently seeing the person you never thought you wanted but just happened to be the one that you need?

How much does it cost to keep a memory?

A place I wish to keep in my life, has been sold.

This is the place that I have stayed during my high school time, the place that witness my first love, first time being away from home, first time going on a date, first time raring my own rabbit, first time raring my own fish, first time taking care of an elderly, first time prayed until I cried, the place I spent the most time with an elderly and learned that no matter what happens in life, always look at it differently because everything changes every second.

I received a message informing that the place I grew up in, has been officially sold at the tag price of near to 4 million Ringgits. I do not own it, neither did my direct family have any ownership towards it but it has been sold and it will highly be turned into a commercialized venue since it is situated in the centre of attention in one of the most well known heritage in Malaysia.

Do you know what makes it hurtful?

I have been working really hard for 10 years with the purpose of having to be able to have the capital to keep my memories and buy thing I always wanted to keep. This time round, I couldn't do it because it is too costly, something that I cannot afford.

Making the feeling worse, it was purchased by my former schoolmates whom were at least 1 year younger than me, 4 of them. I wonder what did they do to be able to buy the property so quickly since they graduated much later than me.

It is definitely a mixed feelings because I cannot afford it while those graduated after me can. (Note: I didn't go to university hence started working 4 years earlier than them)

I know many would think that it could be that they are rich or made a fortune or probably struck a lottery to afford it. Have a thought at it, they afford something I couldn't, what is my excuse to still be status quo?

Opportunity knocks on the door

The fisherman's boat sinked and he was hanging on the float he had.

He prayed hard for God to help him. 

A luxurious cruise passed by and offered his a free spot on the ship, he rejected saying he is waiting for God to save him. 

A fishing boat passed by and offered him to be on the boat so that he can have enough of food to eat and warm his body. He rejected saying he is waiting for God to save him. 

A submarine passed by seeing him floating and they offered him to be in the submarine so that he can be sent onshore for proper medical treatment. He refused the offer, saying he rejected saying he is waiting for God to save him. 

A patrolling helicopter passed by and saw him in the middle of the sea. They attempt to save him but he struggled and refused to be on the helicopter, saying he rejected saying he is waiting for God to save him. 

He floated and arrive to an island where it is hosted by its origin and they saved him but he jumped back into the ocean and thought that he is waiting for God to save him.

Yes you guessed it right, he died. When he gone to heaven, he questioned God, why didn't God save him while he have been praying for it.

God told him that He have sent a luxurious cruise, a submarine, a fish boat, an island and a helicopter but the fisherman refused all of it. How can he be the one questioning? 

When was the last time you turn down an opportunity a friend shared with you to earn money because you don't think you have the time, energy,  skill or it is not the opportunity you are praying for?

Ask yourself, is it possible you earn more, gain more, grow more by keep on doing the same thing?

Bill Gates quotes, "if you are born poor, it is not your fault but if you die poor, it is your fault" .

My quote, if you were like that one year ago, it may not be your fault but if you are still like that one year later, whose fault do you think it is?

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Passive Income 2 - Should I charge less for tuition?

Anyone whom have a child in Asia would most probably send their child to a tuition class, it is a type of class on top of the ordinary classes to be attended by any student from primary up (6 to 7-year-old) to secondary (17 to 19-year-old).

Have you ever encountered this situation when you are own a business, a part time or a full time job and your friends or family actually ask you to earn less from them because they think that they are someone in their lives?

While a child attends a tuition class, it is counted by hours. As low as RM20 per hour up to RM50 per hour, depending on the subject to be studied.

An average student goes to tuition 2 days a week, each time 1.5 hours to 2 hours, per subject. During school holidays it can be from 3 days up to 5 days a week, in order to get the students on track during school holidays.

An average tuition teacher gets 5-10 students per class, per 1.5 hours or 2 hours.

Assuming that a student attend tuition 2 days a week, each time 2 hours, per month it will be RM640.
Assuming that a teacher does the same as above and have 7 students, that teacher get RM4,480 per month.

However, there is situation where a tuition teacher have relatives and friends whom thinks that they prefer the "special price" so the tuition teacher have to charge a "discounted" price tuition fee. If there is one in each class, paying at the minimal of RM20 per hour, the teach end up losing RM320 per month.

What would you do if you are asked to provide discount?
Would you still think this is an ideal business?
What if the discount is to make it free?

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Passive Income 1 - Should I share my Referral Fee?

If you have worked in a corporate company, you may heard of referral fee.

So you refer a friend in favour to get them a job at your awesome company then upon their confirmation of employment, you get your cut of referral fee that you deserved. Your friend told you that he/she deserve the cut in half because they were confirmed.

If we were to not give half of the share, we risk of losing a recently confirmed "colleague", a known before friend, would most probably be defamed by a person whom we once called friend, worst part is that we might be the most wanted selfish person because we refused to share and things could go dramatically ugly.

Many I know have encountered this so the easy way out is to unwilling, devastatingly and painstakingly give out the other half.

Will you give is not the question, should you give it?

Answer this:

1. Did your friend get the job before you got yours?

2. Would your friend know about the job before you said so?

3. Can your friend's resume standout in all those resumes in queue for the position offered?

If your answer is no or maybe for all the above, then you should never share it. That person have to be confirmed to keep their job and to get their regular paychecks. You're not the person whom have to determine if this person is to be confirmed, you're not the person that decides to employ this person, most importantly your company is paying this person's salary, not you.

I can share the referral fee but please share with me your every month's salary during probation period because I REFERRED YOU.

Do you have a friend that wish to work part time? Refer them and you get paid.

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What's next for me?

How long and what caused you to start doing something in your life to be someone?

I can't be sure but it is long enough.

I constantly feel like I am struggling to be better but when I look back 10 years from now, I realized that I have grew from having only RM30 in my pocket when I first came to Kuala Lumpur to be able to afford a meal at RM30 (not all the time but yes I can afford it now).

I recall many people telling me that I can do something because I am capable. To be honest, I don't know what they are referring to. I never thought I am capable because it was always what I am tasked to do and all I did was to do it at my level best.

I have been in this city for 7 years, where I had to sleep on our company's floor in a sleeping bag for the first 2 months (my employer never knew it) until I can afford a room in an apartment. Back then, my dream was to afford a tablet, a new mobile phone and an apartment where I can stay in the master bedroom. I learned the word, 'GOAL'.

I changed my job to be working in a call centre where I was able to earn more and learn even more. I started as an executive - senior team - support team - shift supervisor - specialist - assistant manager, in 26 months. I didn't know how but I only knew that I needed to learn as much as I can and do it as well as I can because I wanted the promotion so that I can earn more to cover the debts that my boyfriend by then that have caused me to have. Yes, it was my stupid choice but I sucked it up and live on. After 3.5 years in the same company, I left because my employer wanted me to manipulate a set of data in order to cheat our client. The resignation was impulsive but the intention to leave the job became stronger when I realized that there is a world outside of the job I have been having for 3.5 years. At this point, my goal was to be able to pay a flight ticket for my single mother whom have striven her lifetime for me to be better, whenever she wants it and to become person that is reasonable but will not jeopardize my credibility to keep a job. I learned the word, 'HIERARCHY'.

I changed my job because I wanted to not be asked to manipulate data in order to keep my job, I wanted to give a good working environment, establish indifferent work culture, out of the box working hierarchy and groom leaders than having a working team. I learned how to prepare a decent presentation from some of the best consultants in the industry. I wanted to quit for doing my superior's job 99% of the time but a great manager have managed to keep me by offering me a business process management position at customer experience level. At this point, I have been working here for 2.5 years and I am still learning. I learned the word, 'LEARN'.

The journey has not been easy. I finally realized that I want to be in the customer experience industry and be great at it. I still cannot say I am someone in the industry but I can say this, I am someone because of the words of GOAL, HIERARCHY and LEARN. I need a goal to move on, I need to be someone in the hierarchy to say something that matters and no matter who I am, I can never stop learning to be better.

It is just few months before I am near to 30, I have hit my goals. So, what's next for me in this city?

Create a passive income so huge that if one day I am no longer just an employee, I can still do what I love the most. What about you?

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