10 Years in difference

It has been long time since I last posted, I was lost, caught in my own debate against what excites me and what makes me passionate.

10 years ago, I set my target to climb to an assistant manager's position, be out of debt, able to pay for my parents' vacation should they wanted one, own what I wanted but not give up what I needed. They were simple goals but it was what that have driven me for 10 years.

Now I have achieved them and suddenly I am lost. People in their 40s tell me that I should not make goals monetary and that I should have better goals.

How would I have a non-monetary goal if I didn't know where am I heading next?

At this moment, I just want to know:
1. What makes me passionate?
2. How can I make a difference in others' lives?
3. I know I am meant for something bigger, what is that?

Only time will tell and only time can tell.

Advengers: Endgame - What does it mean?

Watching Advengers: Endgame created a new scenery in the whole Social Media. It all started 11 years ago and it changed everyone that was involved.

My personal favourite has been Iron Man - Tony Stark. Not because he is a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist but the sincerity, dedication and commitment the actor Robert Downey Jr. have demonstrated in the movie series.

An actor can only be at his best to touch the audience when he is the character he acted. He gave in his heart and soul to be the character best and that was also the character that defined him as an actor.

It was the time he decided to change his life that his life became different.
It was the time he decided to stay drug free and alcohol free that he became different.
It was the time he decided to be a good husband, a good actor and just himself that made him different.
It was the time he decided to let time be the best judge to witness the change progress that have made him different.

We all have struggles, we all have past but what we think and do is what made us different.

Celebrities and sport stars are people we look up to, not because they are living a glamorous life. They are looked up upon because of their willingness to sacrifice, their dedication to their life goal, their focus on the endgame and their persistence in coping with difficulties incurred.

Will your endgame be a new start or just the endgame?

Why do I need to be fit?

Isn't it an interesting topic that baffles many? 

Some feels that we should not lose weight because it is body shaming to do so when others say that while mos of us may have funny reasons to do some, following are a compilation of reasons I have encountered from people whom wanted to lose weight and have successfully lost weight's reasons:

1) Higher chance to survive during disaster

One of my trainee absolutely believes that if he is fitter, he can run faster during a disaster hence being fitter can let him have higher chance to survive! 

2) Look good in photo

One of the trainee was struggling with low self esteem as she had a hard time looking at those weight gained while she gotten sick and couldn't exercise. With that, she hated herself in photos so she took charge and lost whopping 26kgs just so she can look thinner in the photo any of her friends or family snapped 📸

3) Lesser time spent for good photos

Another interesting trainer got tired of editing his photo to look good so that he can tell interesting stories when he is 90, got fitter so that he won't need to spend hours for good photos! (Well, who want to look bad in their memories right?) 
4) Fit in the wanted

One lady spent hundred on clothes 👙👗💥 that she couldn't fit in and was laughed at by her husband, she ended up losing weight, got fitter and spent even more on clothes! (For a great reason!) 

5) Glamorous!! The need to have the body people envy so one can be the glam have become a social norm, the great news of wanting to be fit to be glamourous is so much healthier than wanting to be going through knives or technology to be glamorous! I would at least thank Avengers for sending the right messages!!

6) Physically Fit

One of the lady trainee was often down with fever, flu and cough, she got fed up of medicine so decided to take a turn on fitness by changing her food diet first then added on exercise. 

She just wanted to do what she was passionate about, going out with others without worrying on what to not be eaten to avoid cough, flu or fever. Nowadays, she just use portion control to enjoy everything she loved! 

With people losing weight and some still ponder on "why can't I lose weight?" 

A. No time
B. Don't know what to do or where to start
C. Body reflect too slowly (😏lazy)
D. Actual procrastination

E. Any reason to not lose weight now.. 

One just need 1 reason to move or 1 reason to not move, whatever the reason is, you are right. Only your reason can determine your persistency towards the outcome.

Clock is ticking, if we don't start to enjoy now, when will we?!

What should I do?

Have you ever wonder what do you want to do in or meant to accomplished in this life?

I wonder about it all the time, I think about it all the time and I have drafted numerous proposals to push myself to go further and do something, anything! I listed pros and cons about what I wanted and needed, map out the possible consequences on each route to be taken. Checklist of making things happen but nothing seems to work out so far... Because plan is just a dream without action.

While I've been trying to figure myself out, there has been many, too many opportunities approaching me. So many people showing so many presentations, people coming out with some amusing and some confusing financial plans, some forwarding articles of good stuff, suggestions of new products, impressive marketing plans. There is just one too many choices to be choose.

I am uncertained.

Should I continue with my apprenticeship of working with a capable leader that constantly gives me new challenges and new free appreciation (no promotion but have minimal increment) .

Should I go with one of it for the money?

Should I put my life together and work it out piece by piece, slowly?

Should I just be happy and forgo everything then just live a usual life?

Should I just flush all the thoughts into the toilet bowl and do the thing I felt?

I don't have the answer yet. What about you?

Growing Up

I seriously have no idea what was I thinking. Slept at 7am, woke up at 10am to make a call to reschedule my IPL treatment to 5pm then appear there at 4.15pm. Did it earlier and ran (yes I ran!) on a train to the airport.

I was stinking sweat then; supposingly feel frustrated but I felt satisfied, I did not think twice. I was going to meet my sister and her sons whom is flying overseas, to which the next time we meet is undefined.

Over the years, I became gradually careful of my options and decisions at all times. People said it is called growing up, I think it I called normalizing ones' creativity, it is somehow consuming me at the same time. I felt like a right brainer turning into a left brainer and slowly going to be a no brainer.

I can feel the sense of losing myself to the norm of the society especially to do something adhocly has become a choice.

If this is growing up, why was I not warned?
If this is growing up, is creativity the only thing I will be giving up on?
If this is growing up, have I lost more than just my spontaneity and have not realized it?
If this is growing up, will I fail to know myself soon?

I don't have an answer, will I ever have an answer? I really wish I can screw work, buy a ticket, fly anywhere now, think it through there then decide the next step. Well since tomorrow is a working day, I am not getting on a last minute flight anywhere.

Return ticket to my work is the only available option right now. Do you feel the same?

The Right Person

Do you know who is the right person for you in your life?

I used to think that I will not find the right person for me in my life and I have been struggling to feel happy and secured.

Maybe it is age factor or maybe because I have been through a lot hence recently I felt that finding the right person is not finding the person you want but it's about finding the person that can let you become the person you should be becoming, making me more of the person that will love life, becoming the person that enjoy life, becoming the person that will feel satisfied and will never ever hate being alive.

I met (and left) this guy whom I was with for 5 years, someone I wanted to have in my life. He treated me well in the first few months then he became really controlling until an extend he beat me and kept me in the house for 2 years. I couldn't explain why I sucked it up back then but I eventually came to my conscience and worked my way out of his sight. I was kept away from his family for 5 years, earned and spent all my money, took up bank loans on his behalf, lost all my savings, got trouble in my first business attempt and I couldn't work because he regularly came to harass me at my work place.

I wouldn't thank him for who I am today because with or without him, I would live another day without scar on my body, heart and mind. Everything happened for a reason and I am grateful I lived that through.

On another occasion, I am currently dating a guy whom I never thought I would be with. He was boring (now not that boring), blunt and most of the time seemed cold to me. Me being a talkative, outgoing and passionate person, we didn't connect quite well. There were numerous ups and downs but he sticked around really tightly, we grew together.

What made me really sure about him being in my life for the longest of time is the fact that he loves my family and his family the same way, although we are still just dating. He cares for my sister and mother's well being without being asked. He constantly reminds me of going back to home and let me be myself.

He used to piss me of by trying to talk me into his way but upon confrontation of the situation, he respect my choice and I learned to respect his choice too.

A side note, he used to be very calculative about money, I was a person whom don't think when I spend (I am not in debt); we changed. He taught me how to save and I taught him how to spend well, I can say that we have stable financial now because we were so different in handling our financial thus benefited us by being balanced! This will be shared on how in another post.

The point I wish to say is that, it don't really matter who you want to have in your life but the person you need in your life, to be a better version of you. I am thankful and grateful to be able to meet this loyal person  whom have made me a better person along the way.

Are you currently seeing the person you never thought you wanted but just happened to be the one that you need?

Lost and Found

I have been relatively lost recently, figuring out the next step of my life. I have tried talking to many people but none really can tell me what I should be doing next.

I have been planning many times for long time, thinking during sleepless nights and counting those abstract analysis in order to gauge my next time. 

I love life, I embrace my life and I have been living the 10 years plan I have set. Having it achieved worries me.

I fear I may not know what to do next in life;

I fear I will not have something new to look forward to;

I fear being a nobody at the end of my life in this world;

I fear of being not enough as a daughter, sister, aunt, friend or worker;

I fear the most of being not good enough as a world growth contributor.

What if I have done not enough today to be a better me than yesterday?

I see many people have been doing it their way or the way they wanted me to see it as. When can I be like that?

Little did I know that a gathering I have consistently missed in the last 10 years would bring difference to my life, thoughts and my whereabouts. 

My primary classmates, were people whom I genuinely missed because of how they make me feel when I am around them. They don't judge me, is always subjective and have always let me feel welcomed in the group, although I have missed almost 100% of the gathering in the last 10 years.

They did not judge me.

They were eye openers to me.

They have inspired me to be myself.

They remind me not to rush the clock because of someone else.

They are all diligent people working in their field of expertise.

They have reminded me that I should look out of my desk to be different.

I am grateful and thankful that this bunch of people actually look forward to having a gathering every year, having the effort to make it to the gatherings. I will do my best to attend all the gatherings in future because I know I will be inspired even more.